


Prompts and Presents (or, 3 am is not a good time to be awake)

by Dark_at_Noon



Category: But more to be added as it progresses, The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Angst, Battle of Five Armies, Battle of Five Armies Fix-It, F/M, Multi, but that will be a later ficlet, fem!Thorin, i realise chapter 8 was supposed to have mama hen Nori, or - Freeform, theres an alternate ending for that
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-08
Updated: 2013-11-15
Packaged: 2017-12-31 20:47:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1036197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dark_at_Noon/pseuds/Dark_at_Noon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I'm back!<br/>And I'm doing prompt fics.<br/>Many, many prompt fics.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Contents?

Contents (but they probably won't be in this order):   
1\. In which Dis is a tabloid writer, Thorin owns a mining company, and Bilbo is a protester he meets on an online dating site.   
2\. Everybody Lives! After the battle of five armies fic ft. my cousins OC and bizarrely, Myrcella Baretheon (birthday gift, published with permission).   
2\. As many Fem!Bilbo drabbles and headcanons and ficlets I can think of.   
4\. Modern AU: Thranduil and Thorin are divorced. Somehow, Elrond ends up taking care of the kids (for the same cousin, will be published around christmas)   
5: LADY THORIN HIDDEN BABY (not Frodo) AU BECAUSE GOD DAMMIT THERE ISN'T ENOUGH FEM THORIN (this will probably be Dworin I think).  
6\. Frerin, Dis and Nori are the ultimate brOTP. Their deaths mess him up.  
7\. Kili's dad is not Fili's dad. Kili's dad is not somebody who should be a dad. (continues from fic number 6)  
8\. Nori has babies. Nobody knows about these babies until Dwalin finds them. Nori is mama hen. (or, the one where Nori becomes Dori)  
9.Dori has a tea shop. Rationally speaking, Ori is now Zuko.   
10\. Dany+Thorin+Charlie Weasley. They fight about dragons and then they probably have a threeway after all that angst.  
11\. Fili and Thorin refuse to get married (but not to each other). Dis quotes Brave a lot and threatens them with King Kili.   
12\. Joffery comes to Erebor. He gets punched in the head. Repeatedly.  
13\. Eomer and Faramir are the ultimate bros (as ultimate as you can get when you're banging somebodies baby sister)  
14.Bilbo/Nori hidden baby AU (fem! Nori)  
14 1/2. Bilbo/Nori hidden baby AU (fem! Bilbo)  
15: Galadriel and Elrond are the founding member of the "seriously gandalf you are ancient sit down and stop going on adventures GROW UP) club. 

 

And probably more, should I be prompted on tumblr ([which is here](http://www.thorinsulkenshield.tumblr.com/ask)) or in the comments or if i think of more prompts at 3 am which sound like GREAT IDEAS but actually aren't. 

 


	2. NUMBER FIVE

The baby came in winter. It was hard labor, a long one, in the midst of starvation and poverty, but Thorin Oakenshield, Queen of Erebor, hadn't fought for her grandfathers kingdom, lied and lost and loved for her grandfathers kingdom for nothing. She would not let something as simple as childbirth take her back to the stone.

 

It was a boy, and the kingdom rejoiced. The line of Durin was already secured, Thorin's nephews stood battered and bruised, scarred and ruined beside her when she took her throne, and Thorin knew her son would never be able to sit the throne of his homeland, not with the circumstances of his birth.

 

Harlot, they called her, the whore queen, for what woman takes a throne and refuses to wed, but lets her belly grow ripe with child anyway? Thorin did not, does not care. Her son is strong, and healthy, with a cap of curly dark hair and his fathers nose. He learnt to walk and talk long before the women who whispered about Thorin's son's did, and Thorin kept some joy in that. It was childish, but she reveled in the satisfaction.

 

Her son is clever, like his father before him, sharp as an axe, Thorin thinks back on the quest, to fumbling dalliances in the dark, one of which must have taken root. Thorin spends many hours in her memories, as her son grows.

 

How she wishes she hadn't had to send his father away, but it couldn't have happened. He'd whispered love into her ear, and told her how he wished to marry her when they took back Erebor. Fools dreams, Thorin had called them then, and fools dreams they were now.

 

Her son grew tall and strong within decades, although he was never quite as tall as his cousins, nor as strong. His father had been short and weak, sharper with words than a sword. Thorin sometimes wondered how he fared in his homeland. The company had sworn in blood not to say a word of Thorin and her-their- son when the visited him, and he was far away enough that word wouldn't travel. He would return when he was old, and so was she, and then they would speak, and Thorin would apologise for all the wrongs she had done- she had taken innocence and crushed it, and locked him away from the one thing a man can hold dearest.

 

But her son, proud and true, clever and witty, so very much like his father.

 

Thorin took pride in the knowledge that somewhere in Ered Luin, Ori, son of Kori was safe, and whole and hale. She'd named their son for his paternal grandmother, who had been so very like him, clever and handsome and witty.

 

And if Dori doesn't look Thorin in the eyes and Nori refuses to speak to her, Thorin does not care.

She has her son, and that is all she needs.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did you see that coming because i really didn't


	3. NUMBER EIGHT

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i hate myself and i love imaginary ri!bbs

The kid on the doorstep stares at Dwalin with the same expression Fili gave him when he was tasked with telling the lad that, sadly, The Father of Stone was not the one who brought him presents every Durin's Day.

_"I never really wanted kids," Dwalin murmurs into Nori's hair "They've always seemed a bit of a luxury, unnecessary, y'know?" Nori stiffens slightly, but whether its from the statement or Dwalin's hand slipping into his breeches is hard to say."Really? I don't mind 'em meself, but I nivver really 'ad the time to think about it, I s'pose." When Dwalin leaves for Moria the next morning. Nori leaves for Harad._

"Hello?" Dwalin asks the kid, as he takes personal notes on the kid: small and thin, dirty hair (is it red or blond? It's far too dirty and unkempt to tell) big, sad looking green eyes, a missing tooth (very young then, what was Nori playing at?) and a long, thin nose. It's dressed in dirty, patchy clothes, with holes through the knees and elbows (both covered in scabs abd bruises) and pants held up with rope (rope!) "'Llo," says the kid. "I'm Fori, what's yer name?"  
"Dwalin. Er, do you belong to anybody?"  
"Me mammy's dead. I'm 'ere to find me da. 'is name's Nori." Dwalin scowls, and the kid startles. "Not teh inconvenience yeh, o'course." The kid-Fori- adds hastily. "I'm not cross with you, lad. Come, I'll take you to your dad." "Ma'l, really?" "Aye- I mean, yes, come on."

The kid follows Dwalin upstairs, into the wing reserved especially for the company. They're both silent, Dwalin in anger and the kid in awe.   
"How old are you?" Dwalin finally grunts, to break the silence that looms over them.  
"Well, me brother is almost eighty two, then me sister is jest in 'er seventies, then the twins are almost sixty, I'm forty and me youngest brother is jest gone twenty." Good grief, Dwalin thinks. Your father lied to me.  
"Quite a family, there," he says instead. "And you're all Nori's?"   
"Aye" At least, Dwalin thinks, Dori will be mad on Dwalin's behalf. They turn the corner to the main living rooms, and as Dwalin opens the door he stops suddenly. "You'd best be clean and dressed proper when you meet him." He says, and then he gets the kid new clothes as he bathes. And then he helps the kid with his hair and gets him dinner, and then he sends for the lads family, and arranges for clothes and food for them, too.

They should be dressed appropriately to enter the Hall of Tombs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry  
> Alternate ending 1: "How do you tell a child that the dwarrow they've crossed the world to find is dead?"  
> Alternate ending 2 (for those of you who like ghosts): "Hopefully, when Nori sees his children, he will stop weeping at Dwalin's grave.   
> Alternate ending 3 (for the BOTFA deniers like myself): Nori actually is now in charge of the Hall of Tombs and makes five thousand bad puns a day and he and his babies and Dwalin live happily ever after

**Author's Note:**

> also to the anon who asked on tumblr: I accidentally deleted your ask, but you're welcome to draw fanart (and if you do it for the fem!thorin chapter i will give you everything you want) but if you do, please tag it with my (admittedly awful) ao3 user name or even "3am presents and prompts"? because I'd love, love love fanart, if you wanted to draw me some (and it doesn't upset me at all nor were you annoying)


End file.
